Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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