we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
