idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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