i was born a porn star she said
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
