When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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