you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
