Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
