I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
