On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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