How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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