cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
