mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
