I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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