I think my vagina is haunted
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
