dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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