Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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