atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
