Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
