You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
