one two three fourrrrnication!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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