i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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