found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
