I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
