i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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