look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
