Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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