I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
