who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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