i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
