my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
