I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
