i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
