so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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