Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
