I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
