it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
