I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
