Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
