3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
