Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
