doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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