I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
