I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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