Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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