My nipple is on Facebook.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Vodka?
Forever.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
