This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
