Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
