my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
