eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
