I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
