Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
