so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
